I AM ready to move forward to make new memories to replace those that still remain in my memories from my childhood.They were the most traumatic events of my life and have taught me more lessons than I could have every imaged. The jealousy, and addictions and violence scenes of beatings and cursing by my parents that helped me created to understand rebellion tendencies within my own soul and my purpose for God.The codependence that kept me in bondage for years and the victim consciousness I suffered and was the breakthrough was needed for me to see my own neediness for others to complete me when I was already whole and in the image of God. The fears and dramas that I created along my journey have served me more than I every thought or ever knew while they were happening.When I told everyone my story I made sure it contain all the drama to gain pity for poor me.This was my life and a reflection of the world I lived in but the inner spirit was always just observing and keeping me secure in my detachments emotional.The outward expression was acting up and acting out to get reactions from anyone who would take the time to listen to my woe is me stories.I guess I was planning to escape one day and leave this world of illusion I created for my own entertainment. The day came when I started thinking very clearly and found my true self through meditation and talking to God as I did when I was a young child.I would think about my prayer life and how safe I felt when I could go to God and stop the drama that was repeating all the abuse over and over like the movie"groundhog day" because every day I was asked how are you by my sister and the doctors in psych wards.I really was okay but they had another opinion a label or a tag to make everything fit their medicine and treatments that became okay with me for a long time till I decided I was not the label they called me.I know my life could have gone on like this as many that are trapped in what other people and doctors say about your condition does.I made a conscious effort to find the true self and this journey was the real journey for those that have trauma place in their lives.Somewhere in all the confusion from the outer world had got into to my own subconsciousness and needed me to forgive myself for my part of drama I created.I remembered reading the book of the"'Power of the subconsciousness"many years before my divorce and this was in my memories so I knew everything that was happening to me was just a program and I could release it after it all was done.You might say I was prepared for the dramatic events by my childhood abuses so it wasn't a shock to watch my marriage fall apart.Of course ,was still a dark night of the soul moment the night everything fell apart but I knew what to do from my inner training prior to the break up. I would go to my inner child and talk to God and keep my words from coming out.This was very successful for my healing but the mental hospitals had no clues of what was occurring.I became a child and was very calm and peaceful and it wasn't the shots and pills they forced on me.Every human needs to take a preparation course in soul survival before they go to war in strange lands and war within their own families.I wasn't ready for my first battle with my family and this took many years.I want to thank "The body keeps score" for all the new information to help me connect the dots.Please read this book or get the audio for the healing you need to deal with your past traumas.
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